Hell and Back (THANK YOU Hyperbole and a Half)

Have you ever been to hell and back? I mean, honestly? Well, I have. When I was 13 I stood dead still on the train tracks just outside my childhood home, train tracks that I had walked, run, skipped across thousands of times, and wished just that, that I was dead, that a train would come along and put an end to my miserable existence. I cried myself to sleep most nights. My journals from that time of my life are nightmarish.

I have only told a few people that fact about my 13 year old self and now I'm telling the whole damn internet, go figure. Anyway, I've battled the hellish depression demons for most of my life. I started taking medication 7 years ago and that has helped a lot. While a lot of people anticipate the day that they will no longer require meds to combat mental anguish, I am terrified of going off of mine. I don't ever want to go back to that place, to that hell.

From time to time those demons try to crawl back up. Sometimes I lie on the couch or in my bed, with a list of things to do a mile long, and just watch episode after episode of some mindless television show. Other times, I watch a sad movie and start crying, which would be normal if I could stop crying, but on occasion, I can't. I've never been able to get as excited as most people do about things that people are supposed to get excited about. Sometimes I just feel - numb - and I can't explain it.

Allie's blog Hyperbole and a Half was brought to my attention a couple of times today and that is what prompted this post. She blogs brilliantly about her hellish experience with depression. I cannot find words to describe how her post made me feel.

Anyone who is battling depression needs to read Allie's blog. Anyone who knows anyone who is battling depression needs to read Allie's blog. Hell, EVERYONE needs to read Allie's blog!