Sunday, May 26, 2013

Voicetrous Vaginas

Today is Sunday. The letter 'V' was supposed to be showcased on Saturday. I didn't post on Saturday, therefore, 'V' will be celebrated today. It's a good thing there are no rules in The ABC's of Swearing.

If you recall, I posted about Poetic Penises for 'P' Day. The poem I wrote there was half of a project I completed for an upper level literature class in university. I fell even more in love with the discipline after taking that class and realising the open-minded, limitless potential of English as an academic field. I presented both "The Penis" and "Vaginas", under the collective title Dispelling the Taboo, at the Senior Students Colloquium the year I wrote them, complete with full colour images in a timed PowerPoint presentation.

"Vaginas" is influenced by Libby Scheier's poetic masterpiece "Penises, 1" and after no further ado, here it is:


They're ugly cuz they're wrinkly.
Embrace wrinkles. They add character!

They're repulsive because they smell & taste like fish.
Fish is good for you. Eat it!

They should remain closed
and untouched
until they are ready to procreate.

just a second.
Why am I referring to the glorious
Velvet Curtains
as "they"?

are beautiful flowers
swelling into bloom
with each caress.

Pussies are soft
and cuddly,
but only cum 
when they want to. 
Beavers work diligently,
but still make time
for play.

are hot pockets
of silky smooth eroticism 
exploding into perfect bliss.

Punani. Coochi. Na Na.
All unstoppable
Vagina Warriors
unlocking the Boxes
have been shut up
in for so long.

From the glorious depths
of Spread Eagle
Queen Hoo Ha exclaims
"Vagina Power!"

With that, I leave you with some final words of wisdom from my home girl, Betty White.


  1. Ha ha ha! Gotta love that Betty White. :-D

    1. I adore Betty White! I mean, really, how can someone be that hilarious, all of the time?!

  2. Betty has been my hero since the Sue Anne Nivens days...Love your verse. Z~ What ya gonna use for Z? or X?...

    1. I haven't read these verses for some time. When I pulled them out for this I remembered how fun they were to write. I wouldn't change a thing about them! I still can't believe that I presented them complete with images in front of so many professors! X and Z - I've got somethin' up my sleeve!

  3. Vaginas! Only two things I like more. Penis and boobs. ;)

    -The Insomniacs Dream